This morning I found a list of reasons why he loved me, and I realized all those things no longer apply.
He would text me during the week things that would confuse me, making it seem like he wanted to work things out but he never verbally said he wanted to. I guess with that he wanted to see my actions and base it on that. But I cant act like everything is ok until it is.
So today I finally realized that this is who I am. Im not going to change. I cant change him and he cant change me. I think Im a great person but if you get on my bad side, you’re fucked!! For once I had to stop being selfish and stop forcing him to be with me if Im not what he wants. I know I have my flaws, but its a part of who I am. If being selfish is bad, then I need to learn to just let them go and be selfish on my own and move on.
I just need to learn to see the signs of when things go wrong and just step back and let it go. Because things wont get better. I only make it worse. Im a control freak and want things to go my way.
So tomorrow is a new day, and Im just gonna focus on making myself happy.
So Im really quick to talk about other people, but not really about myself. So Im going to write about who I really am and all my flaws.
Im an extremely selfish person. I only think about my emotions and dont care how I make others feel. I care more about being right and justifying my actions than listening to the other person and admitting that Im wrong. I will lie to your face to make myself look good. I will say things arent going good instead of saying it’s my fault.
There have been many fights with him and everyone only knows my side of the story, no one knows what Ive done to him. So here it is: I have lied to him, I have shared our business with people who shouldnt even know our business and they have taken my side and hate him for it, I have kept in contact with guys he doesnt approve of, I fight back with him when he’s upset instead of listening to him and fixing it, he has told me things he doesnt approve of and I still do it, I have said things impulsively just to hurt him. Our relationship has fallen apart and its totally my fault. I am accepting full responsibility and I want people to stop taking my side.
Everything he has done to me is nothing compared to what I’ve done to him.
Ok. So the more I try to understand how boys think, the more I think I should just be alone for the rest of my life. So he tells me he wants to take things one day at a time and just go with the flow. What does that mean?? I just want to know what is going through a guys head. I dont know if its a girl thing, or just me, but im sorry if I live my life like a planner. No, Im not sorry. I like planning my days out and being organized!!!
So we’ve been together for a year now, and he says lets just go with the flow. Is it really that hard for a guy to say “yes! I want to be with you, lets work this out.” Why? Oh why do they live their lives so carefree? Are they not interested anymore? We’re not just getting to know each other where you can take it one day at a time. It’s a relationship, where effort needs to be made.
I had lunch with my boss today to see how I liked it, discuss some of the children, etc. Since I have Alina on the weekends now, she came along. I really dont remember what the conversation was about, but Alina had used the word “infinity” in a sentence. My boss was impressed so he asked her if she even knew what that word meant. Alina responded with “innumerable!” He was so shocked, and so was I.
Alina and I then went to the movies to see The Tooth Fairy. It was a good movie. It had its funny moments. Especially the part when he turns invisible for the first time!!The movie had a good message. It was ok. On a scale of 1 to 10. I give it a… 6.5. Would I see it again?? Once was enough.
I have my 3rd session at Ideal Image on Monday. Very excited for that. I cant wait to have it all over with and then never have to shave again.
Monday is also the day I start going to the gym. I registered for unlimited group classes for the spring semester. It was only $60. I cant wait to see how fit I am in April.
Maria comes on Thursday. Shes staying with me. I wonder what we’re gonna get into!
Your element is WATER!
Water chakra users usually have a split personality, one minute they are collected and focused, the next stormy and raging. However, their sharp minds usually overcome this mixed blessing. If you got a high score for Water chakra, then your jutsus would stem from water, and are very focused, but Ninjas with lower scores for Water would have the advantage of other jutsus, but at a weaker strength. An example of a Shinobi who uses this element is Zabuza, and the Village of Water is the Hidden Mist Village.
I love valentines day! Not because its a “love” holiday, but because everything is pink!!! I went to target today to buy cleaning stuff and they had all the valentines day stuff out! Everywhere I turned, there was pink. I was in heaven. I was ready to buy new pink dishes, pink shower curtains, pink candles, pink picture frames, etc. I really dont need any of those stuff, but I did buy a big pink carpet to put in my living room, some pink pillows for the sofa, and this beautiful pink cupcake. I love it!! What a happy day!!
So this morning I had an appointment with Karla. I was going to cut my hair in a pixie haircut, but I decided to dye it instead. I got 3 streaks in my hair and made them pink. I should have prepared better because Karla takes forever!! Thank God they dont charge by the hour because I would be selling my organs on the black market. Anyways, heres a picture of the result. Lovely!
OK. so its almost time to get a new cell phone and I just dont know who to pick. I have AT&T now and its getting pretty expensive. So here are my options:
AT&T: if i stay with att, i would just get a go phone and its like $60 for unlimited talk and text. I dont really need internet, so i can do without it
T-mobile: for $20 more, i could get unlimited talk, text, and web. But I would have to pay full price for the phone, which is $400.
Sprint: they have unlimited text, web, and talk to other mobile phones + 450 minutes for landline numbers, all for $70. The only thing is, I don’t like any of their phones.
I flew southwest from San Jose to Reno to visit my brother. And southwest doesnt assign seats. Its first come first served. And this stupid bitch sits on the aisle and complained for me to get through. She was the only one sitting there so she had the whole row to herself. Anyways, back to the complaining, if you dont want people to walk over you, then dont sit there!
